IMAGINARY VISIT FROM A SMOKIN’ HOT MAN
Yesterday, an absolutely striking man- so handsome he was almost beautiful- appeared at my door.
He asked. “Is this the Slaght residence? (yes) Are you Cathy Slaght?” (yes and who are you?)
My name isn’t important right now. “I have come to talk to you about your campaign for President of the United States. May I come in?”
Before I could reply he was already at my dining room table, pulling out a chair. I punched 911 into the cell phone, ready to hit SEND.
I mean, really, I live in downtown St Petersburg and there are quite a few strange characters.
But he grinned boyishly and began to speak.
“First”, he said “let me compliment you on your blog. You are absolutely brilliant. In fact, there is no more impressive site. Also, you are so attractive, you don’t look a day over 30 years old!”
I parted the curtains and peered out, no Punk’d film crew in sight.
With great warmth and sincerity, he continued “I am here as the result of an exhaustive search for the perfect person for an extremely significant role in history.
YOU are that person.
This upcoming election is presenting some problems. There is a paradigm shift, and nothing seems to be stopping it. Some call it The Age of Light vs the Collective Shadow. It’s a critical juncture.”
…people are starting to question everything they have ever believed to be true
…they are more interested in their connection to the Divine
…they are shifting to a Oneness consciousness
…the energy of this is such that joyful, innovative solutions will appear
AND this must be stopped. Common people do not understand the long term ramifications of all this.”
“Which are…?” I asked
“I’ll get to that, but first let’s talk about that Presidential platform you posted on your blog. It can be worked with. With my backing, you could be elected- many Americans do not like ANY political party at this time, but they think it’s time for a woman president.”
“I have NO qualifications!”, I exclaimed. “This is ridiculous and totally humiliating! I was just working to develop my imagination because…”
But he didn’t let me finish. “We can invent any background we like” he explained… “Journalists work for me. We create false reality all the time.
PLUS, with my backing, you will have superpowers. No matter WHAT mistakes you make, it will always turn out just fine.
AND this is a perfect opportunity in history. People are easily manipulated and distracted. They will willingly give up all their rights if we tell them to. All you have to do is preach cuddles and kisses- people will do more research on their car insurance than on you.
SO, let’s go over your platform.”
“WHEN ELECTED” I began, “we will begin, as a nation, to follow the 7 Natural Laws…”
But he kept cutting me off.
“First, this “real food” concept has to be tweaked. It can look like real food, but it will be GMO-no compromise here.
Same with the water- we must keep the revenue going for the chemical companies, plus the fluoride is necessary to keep the population subdued.
As far as the laugh a day, that’s fine- but televisions MUST be a part of that plan. NO banning of televisions.
AND this energy group requirement – NO
Daily exercise- whatever, nothing will ever make 99% of the people exercise every day. Same with complaining- or procrastinating- nothing will end that.
BUT I really like the idea of more riots.
Also, the lemon juice idea is brilliant. Your landmark legislation will be LEMON AIDE.
The figures are rough, the multinational corporations will handle that part. But listen to this…$20 for 1 lb of lemons- 133, 957 180 million households = $2, 679,143,600 monthly and $32, 149,723,200 yearly.
We will form a House Lemon Committee to maximize the profits.
People will receive certificates when they purchase their lemons. Those who don’t have their certificates when they file taxes will receive heavy fines. Costs will be adjusted up or down. AND, lemons are projected to become quite expensive.
And then you had that shower idea…”
I was horrified “How did you know about THAT?!?”
“We know EVERYTHING”
“Well, I said, it sounds silly, but if a person will tone the vowels A E I O U in the shower or bath every day for 5 minutes it is a MAJOR voltage boost- but I hesitated to mention it.”
“Not silly at all. We will impose a fine for NOT doing this- it is easily monitored by NSA - but we are changing it to consonants, they will tone B, B#, C, F#, G
“You have destroyed my imaginary platform” I said, standing up to show him to the door.
But he wasn’t finished.
“Did I mention the House Lemon Committee is going to allocate 10% of the profits from the program to your personal bank account?”
“You’ll not only be a world leader, but also a multimillionaire with homes around the world. You will hob nob with celebrities, even Kim and Kanye- actually you look a lot like Kim… and I’ll throw in eternal youth”
Add that to the vacations the taxpayers will be paying for- we are talking heaven on earth.”
A contract was suddenly on the table.
He was handing me a pen.
And I was thinking about how impressed people would be when they found out I was President. HA!
“That’s a strange looking pen”, I mumbled, still somewhat dumbstruck. What’s that in it? It doesn’t look like ink.”
“Goat blood. Sign here.”
And the realization hit.
‘You can’t construct MY world”, I exclaimed.
“Sleep on it”, he said. “I’ll be back tomorrow.
This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.”
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