THE LEGEND OF HAPPY BUTT

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THE LEGEND OF HAPPY BUTT by Cathy D. Slaght


INTRODUCTION:

Fractal Fairy Tales are written in hopes of making sense of some principles of Natural Law/quantum physics. This one is is based on The Fifth Interview of Dr. Jamisson Neruda, where he exposes a “trick”- or, as he puts it, a fundamental deception- concerning humanity.

Happy Butt must clear all this up.

And no, THE LEGEND OF HAPPY BUTT is not my autobiography. A friend was suspicious, because it features a genius who never gets to have sex-

Which brings up one last point- to enjoy a Fractal Fairy Tale, you must be totally IRREVERANT, and have a REALLY WEIRD sense of humor,

Please read with that in mind.

CHAPTER 1: THE OUTLIER

Glady's bed was gently shaking ...it was 6:30 am, time to start what was going to be a significant, hopefully LIFE-CHANGING day.

The year: 2050

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The Legend of Happy Butt Contents Page

Sitting up slowly, she first put on her computer- which, in her case, was embedded in her glasses. Next, she touched an icon on the wallpaper. Up sprang a Creepy Crawly, reporting the day's news.

Icon on wallpaper? Creepy Crawly? That's right. Since the early 2000s, computer power had doubled every 18 months. Now computers and cameras were everywhere- in the walls, furniture, bed frames, clothes, even in contact lenses. It was like electricity in the olden days- invisible, but THERE. Soon all this was to be downloaded into every human on the planet. Instead of wearing her glasses, Gladys would BE her glasses.

As far as Creepy Crawlies... by 2050, anyone of any prominence was also an acknowledged Creepy Crawly- journalists, celebrities, political figures- educators – all Creepy Crawlies, minus the faux human shells they had worn before. Gladys had never known it any other way. She'd done a little research, but there wasn't much information - most of the internet was now pornography. But apparently, back in 2025, when it had first been revealed that Creepy Crawlies had been in charge of the planet for thousands upon thousands of years* the humans had responded joyfully. This was all explained in the history books.

* the humans should already have figured this out, because Creepy Crawlies left footprints of GOO where ever they went

A few OBVIOUSLY MENTALLY DISTURBED people had been upset about the Creepies, though, so -BOOM- just like that- they had been put on psych medications. (This had been done with frequency.) Those who hadn't responded to the MEDS were known as OUTLIERS. Some still existed. They were VERY dangerous, so much so that they had to live in hiding,

Gladys ordinarily didn't think about things like this, but today she was going to step into history. She had been selected to take the first test drive in the new Time Machine! She knew she'd been chosen because of what had recently happened to her mother.

Mother had been executed for offending someone. That meant that Gladys, too, was now expendable.

The world, you see, practiced Nihilism- the belief in nothing. Children raised this way were more obedient to the system. All religions were banned. Other than disobeying the government, there was only one sin. That was to state an opinion that offended someone. The penalty for this was death.

As a result, there wasn't much conversation. It really wasn't necessary, anyway, because all humans, just about, anyway, worked in isolation out of their TOWERS OF POWER- 400 square foot apartments in huge, beehive-like structures.

Most lived alone, except for mothers with children. Families were offensive.

Life was wonderful, they were told.

But not so much for Gladys.

At birth, something irregular had turned up in her DNA scan. First, they tried to diagnose her as Autistic, then schizophrenic- before realizing she simply had a very high intelligence. Because of this she was monitored closely.

THAT'S HOW, when she hit adolescence, it had been discovered that she was HETEROSEXUAL. Attracted to MEN, not women. This was offensive to the majority of the population. Men were to be with men, women with women- children were to be raised as transsexual whenever possible. Test tubes took care of reproduction.

Because of this offensive sexual pattern, Gladys had been placed under the care of a psychiatrist. She had to see him every week, via her wallpaper. RIDICULE was the control mechanism of choice by then, even more powerful than MEDS. It ALWAYS got people back in the herd. The psychiatrist, with this objective in mind, had tormented her each week by calling her GLAD-ASS and/or HAPPY BUTT, and making fun of her embarassment.

Gladys withdrew even more into her own world. (She wondered if this internal privacy would be possible, once technology was downloaded into her body.)

Anyway, yesterday, when her psychiatrist appeared in the wallpaper and said “GLAD-ASS, YOU HAVE BEEN SELECTED FOR THE TRIAL RUN IN THE TIME MACHINE”...she thought “Why not?” 

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